back when i was in community college my teacher told us the story of a girl in his class who wanted to have sex with her boyfriend but they didnt have any lube so they used mayonnaise. fast forward a couple of days and she’s getting random orgasms during class and driving places so she goes to the doctor and they check her out and guess what they found
okay ill tell you it was maggots. maggots were in her vagina giving her orgasms.
i hate small talk. tell me about your worn-out Vans, or which perfume samples you use to make you smell less terrible. tell me about how you don’t shower often, or how you spent all your money on lottery tickets when you turned 18 so now you live in a dumpster behind Burger King
this sounded like a katy perry song in my head
that’s because it is a Katy Perry song
Things I don’t wanna mothafuckin talk about:
- My mothafuckin acne
- How mothafuckin tired I look
- My mothafuckin future
- My mothafuckin eating habits
Things I DO wanna mothafuckin talk about:
- This mothafuckin SMILIN PIGGY IN A BLANKET:
LOOK AT HOW CUTE THAT LIL FUCKER IS. THIS IS WHAT DREAMS ARE MOTHAFUCKIN MADE OF.